So I'm not really quite sure what I want to write about. This usually happens and then I apparently have a lot to say.
I kinda want to be productive and keep working on my essays, but they are tiring me out. Why is it so hard to write a personal statement. I wish that colleges would just interview you. I really like face to face interactions. Thats where the good things happen...where people see who you are. Unfortunately, that's also very scary. I need to be better at interacting with people. Like today, I saw a group of people who I know, and am starting to be friends with, and I walked by, expecting them to say hi to me. Why on earth would they say hi to me when I am unwilling to recognize them? I think I need to keep working on branching out and meeting people. People are too cool for me not to meet.
Today was my last day of NPP tutoring. It is kinda bittersweet. I am very glad that I am done, but also am very glad for the experience I had (and the money I made). I actually saw real progress when I worked with the kids. Hopefully they will continue to work hard and get better at what they do. I think there is not enough homework given, or its not expected to be done. I think that would keep kids out of trouble, and would be a good reason to hold kids back if they are unwilling to work. There is nothing wrong with doing work outside of school. I always remember having homework. Plus it takes time to pass out and correct. I think some teachers may need a bit more dedication to it. Not all, but some.
I must say that I gotta respect what teachers do. It is tough stuff. I learned that lesson this summer. Sheesh. Hard, but essential. Props to them. I don't understand why some people make a lot of money and others don't. Either way, thats the system. But Jesus goes against those.
I am still reading Irresistible Revolution. If you haven't heard me talk about it, here it goes again. Probably my favorite book of all time. Its so true. The stories speak to the goodness of the Kingdom of God and His desire for it to be here now. There is truth about how Jesus was in the world, and the man lives the life he speaks for. Go Shane Claibourne. I'm excited to see him at Urbana...but I'm also just really excited about Urbana.
I hope and pray that it will blow my mind, and will give me a career path that excites me to no end!
I'll end my post there...Thanks if you made it all the way through my not-very-important, but good thoughts.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
A poem for the Rainy Day...
in just-
- in Just-
- spring when the world is mud-
- luscious the little
- lame balloonman
- whistles far and wee
- and eddieandbill come
- running from marbles and
- piracies and it's
- spring
- when the world is puddle-wonderful
- the queer
- old balloonman whistles
- far and wee
- and bettyandisbel come dancing
- from hop-scotch and jump-rope and
- it's
- spring
- and
- the
- goat-footed
- balloonMan whistles
- far
- and
- wee
- e.e. cummings
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Long time!
Hey there again Blog world. It has been a long time since I've gotten my thoughts down, much less on the internet.
I just read an add about people being pissed off because on Black Friday, there are only going to be "limited quantities" of the big things they want to buy. Under 5 plasma screen tv's of a particular type of deal. Its so sad that people feel so cheated. First of all, you don't really need that. Secondly, the retailer wants to get you there and have you buy things that allow it to make money. They don't really care about you or want to give you a great deal. They want your money! People confuse this for the stores being nice or whatever. Grr. Its not where we should be outraged!
I just got back from skid row, and there were people that weren't going to be able to go home, or even find a home for thanksgiving! We should be ABSOLUTELY FURIOUS that this can go on in an affluent country such as our own. There are some people who are a little bonkers down there, but they are people just the same. And the dirt or smell on them is not at all a reflection of the person within. I have met so many beautiful people on skid row...I know why Jesus could hardly stay away! I feel guilty for being so wealthy when so many people are without, but I have hope in God. But I'm not just going to sit patiently. He asks us to be his hands, his feet, the body of Christ actively moving in the world.
Did you know there is a fine for having a shopping cart in LA? Neither did I! But apparently its $300 so even the most wealthy of those on the street are kept from moving along. Talk about something outrageous. And people may say its a public safety thing...well, If they repaired the things in Skid row, I'd be fine with that. But there are concrete slabs that are busted open leaving giant holes in the sidewalk...I think that is the greater hazard.
Anyhow, it does no good to be furious and ranting about these issues, but I cannot help but say that I am angry. And I do believe God is as well.
We had a sermon on gratefulness this morning at church, and it took on quite a different meaning. What does it mean to be grateful for the little things. SO often we stress over what we eat, versus whether we eat! And Jesus calls us not to even worry about that! What would it look like to live in the truth that each time we eat is a blessing. Each breath is another chance from God. It might cease to be a stressor, rather something to be thankful for! Quite a mind shift. I never really understood praying and thanking God for a meal before today...but somehow it took on some real meaning for me today.
Well, I'll stop my ramble for now, but I'll have more in the coming days!
I just read an add about people being pissed off because on Black Friday, there are only going to be "limited quantities" of the big things they want to buy. Under 5 plasma screen tv's of a particular type of deal. Its so sad that people feel so cheated. First of all, you don't really need that. Secondly, the retailer wants to get you there and have you buy things that allow it to make money. They don't really care about you or want to give you a great deal. They want your money! People confuse this for the stores being nice or whatever. Grr. Its not where we should be outraged!
I just got back from skid row, and there were people that weren't going to be able to go home, or even find a home for thanksgiving! We should be ABSOLUTELY FURIOUS that this can go on in an affluent country such as our own. There are some people who are a little bonkers down there, but they are people just the same. And the dirt or smell on them is not at all a reflection of the person within. I have met so many beautiful people on skid row...I know why Jesus could hardly stay away! I feel guilty for being so wealthy when so many people are without, but I have hope in God. But I'm not just going to sit patiently. He asks us to be his hands, his feet, the body of Christ actively moving in the world.
Did you know there is a fine for having a shopping cart in LA? Neither did I! But apparently its $300 so even the most wealthy of those on the street are kept from moving along. Talk about something outrageous. And people may say its a public safety thing...well, If they repaired the things in Skid row, I'd be fine with that. But there are concrete slabs that are busted open leaving giant holes in the sidewalk...I think that is the greater hazard.
Anyhow, it does no good to be furious and ranting about these issues, but I cannot help but say that I am angry. And I do believe God is as well.
We had a sermon on gratefulness this morning at church, and it took on quite a different meaning. What does it mean to be grateful for the little things. SO often we stress over what we eat, versus whether we eat! And Jesus calls us not to even worry about that! What would it look like to live in the truth that each time we eat is a blessing. Each breath is another chance from God. It might cease to be a stressor, rather something to be thankful for! Quite a mind shift. I never really understood praying and thanking God for a meal before today...but somehow it took on some real meaning for me today.
Well, I'll stop my ramble for now, but I'll have more in the coming days!
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Reflections on the LA Fires
I'm really unsure of what they are doing. Certainly nothing good. But they aren't as bad as they could be. At least they are still in the mountains. I think I read that firefighters were making some progress too.
Still, I can't help but think back to LAUP and Amos study. I have always wondered how God could be present in situations like this. In this situation at least, I think we can ask that. Why would God allow this? It is a sign of His weakness...well, I would say no. Well, is it a sign of His judgement...I would say that it could be a very true warning. Amos 3:6-> "If there is a calamity in a city, will not the Lord have done it?"
In that, if God is supposed to be a loving God, then why does he take such an active role in destruction. Chapters one through three go through all the way God reveals that He has had patience with groups, but now it is time to have some reminder of their evil. Fire is a sign of judgment in almost all the descriptions. God also uses other groups (in their own evil) to bring judgment...which makes me think of 9/11. Also coming up soon.
I think God has had a hand in these fires. And I know that there are many things in LA that do not quite line up with where God is at...some redemption is necessary. Someone is needed to stand in the gap.
This may be just a sign of things to come. In chapter 4 of Amos God mentions all the things that did not make the Israelites choose to change. Mostly famine and such. For us, in the US, that is unthinkable...but I believe there is a famine among many within this city.
I don't know exactly what it looks like for me to bring justice to the gates and be one who stands up for good things and actively fights against evil, but that is what I must do.
Still, I can't help but think back to LAUP and Amos study. I have always wondered how God could be present in situations like this. In this situation at least, I think we can ask that. Why would God allow this? It is a sign of His weakness...well, I would say no. Well, is it a sign of His judgement...I would say that it could be a very true warning. Amos 3:6-> "If there is a calamity in a city, will not the Lord have done it?"
In that, if God is supposed to be a loving God, then why does he take such an active role in destruction. Chapters one through three go through all the way God reveals that He has had patience with groups, but now it is time to have some reminder of their evil. Fire is a sign of judgment in almost all the descriptions. God also uses other groups (in their own evil) to bring judgment...which makes me think of 9/11. Also coming up soon.
I think God has had a hand in these fires. And I know that there are many things in LA that do not quite line up with where God is at...some redemption is necessary. Someone is needed to stand in the gap.
This may be just a sign of things to come. In chapter 4 of Amos God mentions all the things that did not make the Israelites choose to change. Mostly famine and such. For us, in the US, that is unthinkable...but I believe there is a famine among many within this city.
I don't know exactly what it looks like for me to bring justice to the gates and be one who stands up for good things and actively fights against evil, but that is what I must do.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
A quest for meaning
It is no wonder the sun was something worshiped. In many senses, it embodies the qualities of God, at least the God I understand to be out there. First of all, I'm not exactly sure how it works, or why. Pretty self-explanatory. It is quite a glorious thing too. It is so bright that you cannot stare at it, for you own personal safety. It can be a source of light and heat and we need it, but sometimes those things can be prety difficult to suffer through. Its an interesting balance. Anyhow, I was watching the sun set, and just thinking about how beautiful that is. I hope we keep spinning and it keeps burning so that I can see another one (cuz I'll be sleeping through the sunrise...=p). But in that sense, it can be alot like life. Its exciting when you're at the beginning of something, and there is he monotony of "just getting through" and seeing the beautiful end. I think oftentimes we take fr granted the middle section of just getting through. Because it can be a drag, and it can be hot, but it is also the peak of how/when we experience the sun. Now I don't know if all of this metaphor actually holds true for God, but I do know that I suffer when things cease to be new. Instead of hoping for more sunsets/sunrises, I want to see each of the little motions of the sun as it moves across the sky as something valuable, something important, with a chance to grow in each instant. Sometimes, that can be growing in faith, or in a friendship. Growing sin strength, or weakness. Anyhow, this portion of the blog is going on for a long time, so apparently I have something to say about it, and I need to write more.
The word of precious came to me as I was thinking about God while watching the sunset. And having just read "Fellowship of the Ring" it is no wonder that I think of Gollum when I hear that word. But I wonder if he was not on to something. He dedicated his whole life, his whole being to one thing. That sort of die-hard attitude has always been hard for me to come by. I wonder if Gollum had not been trapped seeking ever after an item that caused pain, suffering, death and destruction, if he would not have been portrayed as the hero. Perhaps he is offered as a foil to Frodo. Frodo is quite dedicated to his purpose of the destruction of the Ring, even if he must die, he says. Anyhow, that sort of dedication is pretty cool, and can be admirable. Just gotta pick the right thing to follow I guess.
I've read malachi like three times in the past week. Its really an awesome book. I've always had trouble matching the Old testament with the New...and you would think...that being the last OT book, it would have made sense that it could act as a bridge to the NT. It totally sets up some of the things you see in Mark, and helps to understand the context and need for Jesus, and what exactly his mission was. It is an interesting dialogue between God and Mankind. I'm having a hard time understanding some of the answers, but nonetheless, I have something to study at least!
been reading Vonnegut (go figure) and I've discovered that I like him even when he writes in a non-Vonnegut way. His ideas still shine through brilliantly, and its awesome. the last chapter I read in Player Piano really sets up and interesting question. there is a protagonist and a main story, but there is sort of this side story about a religious leader from some far off country. There are some really awkward interactions, especially as they relate to the religious leaders' idea that the "average person" is in his language a slave. In some ways, we are, and I think always will be. It is important that Paul calls himself a slave to the Lord. I think the one choice we get as slaves is who our master is...but a different point. He is exploring all the modern conviniences of this new society, and all the household chores now take a few minutes. He asks "what is she in such a hurry to get at? What is it she has to do that she mustn't waste any time on these things (cooking, cleaning, etc)?" And one person answers "Live! Get a little fun out of life."and then the religious leader asks "and how is it that you live and get so much fun out of life?" and they answer with an explanation about TV, and spending time with the kids, and that the kids are probably watching tv at some other persons house. Even the religious guy from another country, who should be impressed with all this technology recognizes that there is something lost there...not just in TVbut in the whole of Vonnegut's created world. There is something missing. And he commands them to "live" in his own special way. It was quite a powerful scene. and I'm not all sure why it hit me, but there are obviously times when I feel like I'm living and times when I feel like I'm just wasting time and claiming to be living. There is much more to be said, but I'm beginning to fade. and this is a long blog.
The word of precious came to me as I was thinking about God while watching the sunset. And having just read "Fellowship of the Ring" it is no wonder that I think of Gollum when I hear that word. But I wonder if he was not on to something. He dedicated his whole life, his whole being to one thing. That sort of die-hard attitude has always been hard for me to come by. I wonder if Gollum had not been trapped seeking ever after an item that caused pain, suffering, death and destruction, if he would not have been portrayed as the hero. Perhaps he is offered as a foil to Frodo. Frodo is quite dedicated to his purpose of the destruction of the Ring, even if he must die, he says. Anyhow, that sort of dedication is pretty cool, and can be admirable. Just gotta pick the right thing to follow I guess.
I've read malachi like three times in the past week. Its really an awesome book. I've always had trouble matching the Old testament with the New...and you would think...that being the last OT book, it would have made sense that it could act as a bridge to the NT. It totally sets up some of the things you see in Mark, and helps to understand the context and need for Jesus, and what exactly his mission was. It is an interesting dialogue between God and Mankind. I'm having a hard time understanding some of the answers, but nonetheless, I have something to study at least!
been reading Vonnegut (go figure) and I've discovered that I like him even when he writes in a non-Vonnegut way. His ideas still shine through brilliantly, and its awesome. the last chapter I read in Player Piano really sets up and interesting question. there is a protagonist and a main story, but there is sort of this side story about a religious leader from some far off country. There are some really awkward interactions, especially as they relate to the religious leaders' idea that the "average person" is in his language a slave. In some ways, we are, and I think always will be. It is important that Paul calls himself a slave to the Lord. I think the one choice we get as slaves is who our master is...but a different point. He is exploring all the modern conviniences of this new society, and all the household chores now take a few minutes. He asks "what is she in such a hurry to get at? What is it she has to do that she mustn't waste any time on these things (cooking, cleaning, etc)?" And one person answers "Live! Get a little fun out of life."and then the religious leader asks "and how is it that you live and get so much fun out of life?" and they answer with an explanation about TV, and spending time with the kids, and that the kids are probably watching tv at some other persons house. Even the religious guy from another country, who should be impressed with all this technology recognizes that there is something lost there...not just in TVbut in the whole of Vonnegut's created world. There is something missing. And he commands them to "live" in his own special way. It was quite a powerful scene. and I'm not all sure why it hit me, but there are obviously times when I feel like I'm living and times when I feel like I'm just wasting time and claiming to be living. There is much more to be said, but I'm beginning to fade. and this is a long blog.
Monday, June 1, 2009
kinda pissed!
Grr. So I love my family, and most of the time they have done things way too good for me. I can't hardly complain about anything they've done, its mostly been out of love. But I don't know whether it is the fact that I'm growing up and becoming more aware, or just recent developments, but there have been a few incidents that have just really pissed me off over the past two weeks or so.
First, my uncle always comes out here, so I'm used to seeing him, but my uncle from Texas came out too, so my dad could be together with his brothers...I think they said it was the first time since 1985. That is way too long. But the one Uncle from Salt Lake City refused to come over when we planned a large get together. He wouldn't even stop by any other time. I really don't understand what his problem is, its hard to pray for him, and I don't know what to address with him. After he left, too, he called to talk to my dad about his health! Rrrg. He was here for a whole week, and all he did was watch people play golf! I am not sure he ever grew up.
Secondly, my brother planned a trip to come visit for TWO WEEKS, during which time he knew that I would be away. He has supposedly like 2 + months of vacation time (that he has to use by the end of this year!), and could have planned it for a week or two later, or right now! I'm really upset that I won't get to see him or my niece or my sister-in-law. I just don't get it. My sister will also be busy during that time too. So it just seems inconsiderate, or maybe he doesn't want to spend time with us. I don't think thats true, but thats what this message implies to me. Same thing, I don't know how to pray for them, or what to say to them. Furthermore, they said that I owe my Niece a trip! Because they planned theirs when I wasn't available!!!
Not very happy with parts of my family. Love 'em dearly, but they're hurting me right now.
First, my uncle always comes out here, so I'm used to seeing him, but my uncle from Texas came out too, so my dad could be together with his brothers...I think they said it was the first time since 1985. That is way too long. But the one Uncle from Salt Lake City refused to come over when we planned a large get together. He wouldn't even stop by any other time. I really don't understand what his problem is, its hard to pray for him, and I don't know what to address with him. After he left, too, he called to talk to my dad about his health! Rrrg. He was here for a whole week, and all he did was watch people play golf! I am not sure he ever grew up.
Secondly, my brother planned a trip to come visit for TWO WEEKS, during which time he knew that I would be away. He has supposedly like 2 + months of vacation time (that he has to use by the end of this year!), and could have planned it for a week or two later, or right now! I'm really upset that I won't get to see him or my niece or my sister-in-law. I just don't get it. My sister will also be busy during that time too. So it just seems inconsiderate, or maybe he doesn't want to spend time with us. I don't think thats true, but thats what this message implies to me. Same thing, I don't know how to pray for them, or what to say to them. Furthermore, they said that I owe my Niece a trip! Because they planned theirs when I wasn't available!!!
Not very happy with parts of my family. Love 'em dearly, but they're hurting me right now.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
i should at least write a little bit
my day was extraordinarily ordinary It was not particularly awesome day, but it was, just for the sheer fact that I choose to enjoy it. To do things that were awesome, and were accomplishing my goals. I had a certain amount of tasks to do and then I played and worked at being good athletically. I really enjoyed kicking and working out, and shooting my bow and playing basketball. I wish I had other people to do it with me sometimes, but it was nice.
Ps-I was going to play tennis, but I sneak into the park without paying the fee, and the park ranger was right next to the courts...so i decided against it. Its crazy that they want you to pay $6 for a day parking pass. Sigh.
My uncle had to leave today. That was kinda sad. I really enjoyed him being here. Its really nice to get to know my family as an adult. They can be a little more uncensored now, and a little bit more real about their lives. Its pretty awesome.
I prayed for quite a few things today. It was amazing how many were answered almost immediately. Even now I fight them off and try to take away the role God had in them, but it was kinda amazing to see. Right as I run out of money to spend with many things to buy, I got my last paycheck from Cherry on top. pretty awesome. and the park was open after I prayed for it to be (it usually isn't). I also just started praying, and it was amazing how many things i have going on in my life, or in the lives around me. I trust those prayers will be answered too. Good day for prayer.
I'm excited for tomorrow.
Ps-I was going to play tennis, but I sneak into the park without paying the fee, and the park ranger was right next to the courts...so i decided against it. Its crazy that they want you to pay $6 for a day parking pass. Sigh.
My uncle had to leave today. That was kinda sad. I really enjoyed him being here. Its really nice to get to know my family as an adult. They can be a little more uncensored now, and a little bit more real about their lives. Its pretty awesome.
I prayed for quite a few things today. It was amazing how many were answered almost immediately. Even now I fight them off and try to take away the role God had in them, but it was kinda amazing to see. Right as I run out of money to spend with many things to buy, I got my last paycheck from Cherry on top. pretty awesome. and the park was open after I prayed for it to be (it usually isn't). I also just started praying, and it was amazing how many things i have going on in my life, or in the lives around me. I trust those prayers will be answered too. Good day for prayer.
I'm excited for tomorrow.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Same ol'-Same ol'
Vonnegut wrote a story called "Timequake" in which people were forced to repeat the last ten years of their life. They know what was going to happen, but they let it happen anyway. It keeps going through in a boring replay. And there was nothing to do to stop it. And when the Timequake ends, people don't know what to do since they no longer have to watch their lives.
Sometimes I feel like that in my life. I make the same mistakes over and over. Don't like the things I do, but the moment I'm freed from them, I don't know what else to do, so I go right back into them. It feels kinda hopeless sometimes. Actually specific situations, all the time.
I want to pray against them. But there is a reason I hold on to them. I'm not willing to let God interact in those situation. I still want to own those things.
Sometimes I don't know how I can be willing to offer things to God. I mean, I know in theory, but i don't know practically. Or I'm not willing to.
Well, my summer is running short really fast. I can see the end coming up way too soon. Which means I've gotta start knocking out some of my goals pretty quick here.
That will count as my blog for tonight...
Sometimes I feel like that in my life. I make the same mistakes over and over. Don't like the things I do, but the moment I'm freed from them, I don't know what else to do, so I go right back into them. It feels kinda hopeless sometimes. Actually specific situations, all the time.
I want to pray against them. But there is a reason I hold on to them. I'm not willing to let God interact in those situation. I still want to own those things.
Sometimes I don't know how I can be willing to offer things to God. I mean, I know in theory, but i don't know practically. Or I'm not willing to.
Well, my summer is running short really fast. I can see the end coming up way too soon. Which means I've gotta start knocking out some of my goals pretty quick here.
That will count as my blog for tonight...
Sunday, May 24, 2009
I've been getting behind...
So, I need to start writing, reading, working out, etc. This is a reminder for me. I'll just start typing to destress at the end of my day. Hopefully I'll be able to start dragging myself out of bed early for a run. We'll see about that. Pray for consistency, and to break out of oldness and embrace the new wineskin.
I had a great conversation the other day through AIM. Probably one of the best ever despite the AIM. Oh well. Will discuss in greater detail later. My fam is here, and we're going to go visit more fam.
I had a great conversation the other day through AIM. Probably one of the best ever despite the AIM. Oh well. Will discuss in greater detail later. My fam is here, and we're going to go visit more fam.
Monday, April 27, 2009
The Sound of Silence
...is quite lovely sometimes.
I have been on the move constantly for 4 days now. I have a little time tonight to sit back and rest. Not much, but I'll enjoy it.
It is my calm before the storm.
The storm could be relatively easy, but its just the fact that everything is all crammed together and I want to do fun stuff. But, to be honest, I have been having a great time.
STIM was awesome this weekend. It got me really excited about summer missions. I don't know how much it prepared me (since I haven't gone and been through LAUP yet), but I believe it has gotten me to think in the right direction. It certainly developed some interesting points. I recognize my heart isn't as open to new things now that I'm 20. I've been living in a culture for 20 years and don't even recognize it as culture until I run into others. I also want to be willing to interact openly and honestly with my team and be able to put my finger on what it is that is bothering me (if/when it does). I also recognized that I am a goal oriented person. I need to stay focused on the end result to stay motivated, especially with people. I'm also beginning to discover that they are pretty much the only thing that is worth the effort, but they take alot of effort.
Also, Doug came down this weekend! It was pretty durn awesome. I wish we were going to school closer to each other. Maybe it will work out for me to go to SLO or something. I played probably the best tennis of my life on Sunday though. My body is falling apart right now though...I think my wrist is broken again. My knee hurts like crazy (sometimes) and I sliced my finger open at work.
I only have one more day at work I think. Its been so good working at this job. I'm sad not to be able to focus more on it and enjoy it. But school is crazy and end of the year stuff all at random times.
Well, I haven't read much more of TPOP so I need to get on that. But I must say that my reading of chapter 6 basically narrated my day.
I have been on the move constantly for 4 days now. I have a little time tonight to sit back and rest. Not much, but I'll enjoy it.
It is my calm before the storm.
The storm could be relatively easy, but its just the fact that everything is all crammed together and I want to do fun stuff. But, to be honest, I have been having a great time.
STIM was awesome this weekend. It got me really excited about summer missions. I don't know how much it prepared me (since I haven't gone and been through LAUP yet), but I believe it has gotten me to think in the right direction. It certainly developed some interesting points. I recognize my heart isn't as open to new things now that I'm 20. I've been living in a culture for 20 years and don't even recognize it as culture until I run into others. I also want to be willing to interact openly and honestly with my team and be able to put my finger on what it is that is bothering me (if/when it does). I also recognized that I am a goal oriented person. I need to stay focused on the end result to stay motivated, especially with people. I'm also beginning to discover that they are pretty much the only thing that is worth the effort, but they take alot of effort.
Also, Doug came down this weekend! It was pretty durn awesome. I wish we were going to school closer to each other. Maybe it will work out for me to go to SLO or something. I played probably the best tennis of my life on Sunday though. My body is falling apart right now though...I think my wrist is broken again. My knee hurts like crazy (sometimes) and I sliced my finger open at work.
I only have one more day at work I think. Its been so good working at this job. I'm sad not to be able to focus more on it and enjoy it. But school is crazy and end of the year stuff all at random times.
Well, I haven't read much more of TPOP so I need to get on that. But I must say that my reading of chapter 6 basically narrated my day.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Chapter 2, Problem of Pain
Alright, now CS Lewis begins to get into the heart of the matter. His entire first chapter was dedicated to discovering that pain is only a problem under certain circumstances. This chapter, he begins to explain why the option of pain must exist.
First, Lewis begins with an explanation of what we mean by 'impossible' and how that phrase could be followed by 'unless.' There are always some extenuating circumstances that could lead to something else, even if they are not expected, known or understood. He further points out that God cannot do nonsense. Two mutually exclusive opposites cannot both be true. For example, it cannot be both light and dark. That is not a limit to God's power (maybe we are limited in understanding that power) but is nonsense that remains nonsense.
Nature might then be a way to understand a God as uncaring. Lewis points out that we understand ourselves in relation to something outside of ourselves, that we must understand ourselves through contrast of what we are not. Nature must exist in order to form a common leave of experience for man. In order for free will to exist, there must be a choice. In order for choice to exist, there must be at least two different options. Even in a two being system, you can either choose the other over yourself, or yourself over the other.
The world is created as a neutral field of experience. If I walk downhill one direction, someone traveling the other direction must be going uphill. This does not imply evil. The use by man of the neutral world's resources either result in a selfish or selfless action. Either help, or cause pain. Thus, in a neutral ground with free will, choices must be made that can lead to good, or bad. Heath or suffering. It seems almost necessary then, that God created this world. My favorite quote from this chapter is "But such a world [one that had been corrected of the results of abuse] would be one in which wrong actions are impossible, and in which, freedom of will would be void..." He goes on to discuss such rare changes to this system, known as miracles. The rarity and that's-not-supposed-to-happen-ness! is what necessarily marks a miracle.
Another favorite: "Try to exclude the possibility of suffering which the order of nature and existence of free wills involve, and you will find that you have excluded life itself.
Now all of this does not necessarily imply a "good" God. Which is what he writes about tomorrow. Woooohoooo!
First, Lewis begins with an explanation of what we mean by 'impossible' and how that phrase could be followed by 'unless.' There are always some extenuating circumstances that could lead to something else, even if they are not expected, known or understood. He further points out that God cannot do nonsense. Two mutually exclusive opposites cannot both be true. For example, it cannot be both light and dark. That is not a limit to God's power (maybe we are limited in understanding that power) but is nonsense that remains nonsense.
Nature might then be a way to understand a God as uncaring. Lewis points out that we understand ourselves in relation to something outside of ourselves, that we must understand ourselves through contrast of what we are not. Nature must exist in order to form a common leave of experience for man. In order for free will to exist, there must be a choice. In order for choice to exist, there must be at least two different options. Even in a two being system, you can either choose the other over yourself, or yourself over the other.
The world is created as a neutral field of experience. If I walk downhill one direction, someone traveling the other direction must be going uphill. This does not imply evil. The use by man of the neutral world's resources either result in a selfish or selfless action. Either help, or cause pain. Thus, in a neutral ground with free will, choices must be made that can lead to good, or bad. Heath or suffering. It seems almost necessary then, that God created this world. My favorite quote from this chapter is "But such a world [one that had been corrected of the results of abuse] would be one in which wrong actions are impossible, and in which, freedom of will would be void..." He goes on to discuss such rare changes to this system, known as miracles. The rarity and that's-not-supposed-to-happen-ness! is what necessarily marks a miracle.
Another favorite: "Try to exclude the possibility of suffering which the order of nature and existence of free wills involve, and you will find that you have excluded life itself.
Now all of this does not necessarily imply a "good" God. Which is what he writes about tomorrow. Woooohoooo!
Good Stuff...
Well, this has been a really nice weekend. I'm starting to settle into being busy. I'm enjoying being awake. Naps still sound amazing, but I think I need to cut back. And its been a good day of just being awake. Now its choosing to be aware, and after awareness, doing something to accomplish good.
I got a B+ on a paper from Montag. I got 2 B- last semester. So its a very welcome jump. This paper I turned in today is really a good one. Even if he doesn't like it very much, it has been blowing my mind about Ecclesiastes (Kohelet) and Genesis, and how similar they are to each other in some regards. I don't know how to resolve some of the problems that logic and my interpretations have brought up, but I feel like I actually have some decent questions.
I re-hurt my wrist yesterday. Hopefully the pain and swelling will go down. I don't care if it takes a long time...I'd just like to know whether its broken or just hurting a bit.
I couldn't agree with Lauren about facebook more. Its nice to have it back, but its great to recognize how not important it is. The picures are nice, and random comments from distant friends. But...its not essential to my life.
So I'm reading this awesome book by C.S. Lewis called "The Problem of Pain." I couldn't have summarized it better than Lauren did unless I just quoted Lewis. So...I'm going to let her summary stand and just say a few comments...then go read the next chapter!
The quote to summarize the entire book was amazing, and blew my mind. It's from George MacDonald. He says "The Son of God suffered unto death, not that men might not suffer, but that their sufferings might be like His." thats a crazy way to think about things. There are a few things I think Lewis draws way out of proportion. But one point of arguement that I love is that either Jesus was crazy (He called himself the Son of God!!!) or he was who he said he was (He called himself the Son of God!!!). The whole idea of the "problem of pain" is not/should not be an issue unless you have concluded things about the world that involve his four other points (that Lauren nicely summarizes). Maybe you could argue that you only need one or two of those, and I might concede those, but you still need to have an understanding of a morality, and identify someplace that authority comes from. So, basically, if you don't have those two things in place, then pain shouldn't be a problem. And yet it is, which can make some sense as to why man understands those four essential points. This is so like science. If blind evolution is true...then there is no need for a moral center...especially if you are still able to survive and reproduce.
Lewis opened his book with a denunciation of nature as being an argument for God. I've always seen it and known there was something more powerful, that things could not be left to chance. However, Lewis points out that his main point of contradiction was that most of the universe was empty space, and was unimaginably cold, and that things didn't work out quite so well. Why not? It was just interesting to have one of the most common arguments dealt with in such a manner.
Totally looking forward to more reading. He can really convey complex ideas to the common person (me) very well. I'm a fan!
I got a B+ on a paper from Montag. I got 2 B- last semester. So its a very welcome jump. This paper I turned in today is really a good one. Even if he doesn't like it very much, it has been blowing my mind about Ecclesiastes (Kohelet) and Genesis, and how similar they are to each other in some regards. I don't know how to resolve some of the problems that logic and my interpretations have brought up, but I feel like I actually have some decent questions.
I re-hurt my wrist yesterday. Hopefully the pain and swelling will go down. I don't care if it takes a long time...I'd just like to know whether its broken or just hurting a bit.
I couldn't agree with Lauren about facebook more. Its nice to have it back, but its great to recognize how not important it is. The picures are nice, and random comments from distant friends. But...its not essential to my life.
So I'm reading this awesome book by C.S. Lewis called "The Problem of Pain." I couldn't have summarized it better than Lauren did unless I just quoted Lewis. So...I'm going to let her summary stand and just say a few comments...then go read the next chapter!
The quote to summarize the entire book was amazing, and blew my mind. It's from George MacDonald. He says "The Son of God suffered unto death, not that men might not suffer, but that their sufferings might be like His." thats a crazy way to think about things. There are a few things I think Lewis draws way out of proportion. But one point of arguement that I love is that either Jesus was crazy (He called himself the Son of God!!!) or he was who he said he was (He called himself the Son of God!!!). The whole idea of the "problem of pain" is not/should not be an issue unless you have concluded things about the world that involve his four other points (that Lauren nicely summarizes). Maybe you could argue that you only need one or two of those, and I might concede those, but you still need to have an understanding of a morality, and identify someplace that authority comes from. So, basically, if you don't have those two things in place, then pain shouldn't be a problem. And yet it is, which can make some sense as to why man understands those four essential points. This is so like science. If blind evolution is true...then there is no need for a moral center...especially if you are still able to survive and reproduce.
Lewis opened his book with a denunciation of nature as being an argument for God. I've always seen it and known there was something more powerful, that things could not be left to chance. However, Lewis points out that his main point of contradiction was that most of the universe was empty space, and was unimaginably cold, and that things didn't work out quite so well. Why not? It was just interesting to have one of the most common arguments dealt with in such a manner.
Totally looking forward to more reading. He can really convey complex ideas to the common person (me) very well. I'm a fan!
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Whew....
What a week it has been. What a rest of the year it is going to be. Almost non-stop stuff to do. I need to just keep trucking and hope for the best. Especially with Organic Chemistry. I'm not exactly sure how well I'm going to do in that class. Its not looking good right now. I really gotta make some adjustments.
I took a three hour nap today. I really need to soak in some love, and thats one of the ways I've felt really comfortable. I think its kinda one way I hide from stuff that is going on. But I also needed it.
Tomorrow is going to be filled with athletic stuff. Soccer in the morning, Quidditch at noon, and then football practice after that. I'm also going to go book shopping with Lauren. totally excited to read through a book for fun/serious discussion with someone. Especially when its over C.S. Lewis, who is amazing in and of himself. Saw Lauren sing today. Pretty much awesome. Two observations. One: she has an awesome voice, and two: it is interesting how, even though she was singing in another language, people in the audience were able to read her body language and know exactly what she was singing about. Well, I was sitting next to her sister, who does happen to know Italian.
I also had work today. It was pretty awesome. I always feel really blessed when people come and visit me, even if it isn't necessarily for me. It really speaks to the quality of the friends that I have. Or how cool my job is. :-) But seriously. I have such amazing friends.
I'm excited about the paper I'm writing for Montag as well. Its about the similarities of knowledge and its relation to work in Genesis as compared with Ecclesiastes, or Kohelet. One thing about that class is that it makes me realize that there are alot of questions Christians aren't asking, or at least don't have/should have definite answers about. One of the things that is most difficult to understand about God is that you can't understand Him. I believe that there will always be mysteries, even if the only mystery left is His love for us. I don't think we can possibly comprehend that. I have difficulty believing it as well. I think, partially because I am selfish and stuff, but also because it is so difficult to understand. I have to just be able to accept and live in that truth.
I guess you can't make anyone love you, and if you make someone love you, what kind of love is that? I mean certainly you can take steps to be loving and loveable. But forcing. Sigh.
Going to be making some phone calls this Easter...yay! I'm looking forward to talking to my fam.
Alright. Possibly enough scattered thoughts for the evening.
I took a three hour nap today. I really need to soak in some love, and thats one of the ways I've felt really comfortable. I think its kinda one way I hide from stuff that is going on. But I also needed it.
Tomorrow is going to be filled with athletic stuff. Soccer in the morning, Quidditch at noon, and then football practice after that. I'm also going to go book shopping with Lauren. totally excited to read through a book for fun/serious discussion with someone. Especially when its over C.S. Lewis, who is amazing in and of himself. Saw Lauren sing today. Pretty much awesome. Two observations. One: she has an awesome voice, and two: it is interesting how, even though she was singing in another language, people in the audience were able to read her body language and know exactly what she was singing about. Well, I was sitting next to her sister, who does happen to know Italian.
I also had work today. It was pretty awesome. I always feel really blessed when people come and visit me, even if it isn't necessarily for me. It really speaks to the quality of the friends that I have. Or how cool my job is. :-) But seriously. I have such amazing friends.
I'm excited about the paper I'm writing for Montag as well. Its about the similarities of knowledge and its relation to work in Genesis as compared with Ecclesiastes, or Kohelet. One thing about that class is that it makes me realize that there are alot of questions Christians aren't asking, or at least don't have/should have definite answers about. One of the things that is most difficult to understand about God is that you can't understand Him. I believe that there will always be mysteries, even if the only mystery left is His love for us. I don't think we can possibly comprehend that. I have difficulty believing it as well. I think, partially because I am selfish and stuff, but also because it is so difficult to understand. I have to just be able to accept and live in that truth.
I guess you can't make anyone love you, and if you make someone love you, what kind of love is that? I mean certainly you can take steps to be loving and loveable. But forcing. Sigh.
Going to be making some phone calls this Easter...yay! I'm looking forward to talking to my fam.
Alright. Possibly enough scattered thoughts for the evening.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Lots been going on...
But I haven't made time to write it all down. My thoughts will be jumbled. I can pretty much guarantee that.
I think I'm beginning to realize that alot of my doubts and questions were coming out of my discontent with myself to be issues of God. There are things about myself that I don't like. I don't like that I can't change them. That I know there is better for me, but I insist on the same ol' same ol'. I guess I'm insane according to Einstein...doing the same things and expecting different results.
I still have legitimate questions, but I think I'm actually willing to start engaging with God again.
Church was awesome this weekend...Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be Sons and Daughters of God. I am definitely a peacekeeper, not necessarily a peacemaker. Or I guess I have been. I don't think I've really had to deal with much peace these days. I think I'm taking steps to be a peacemaker, to resolve things. But to be a son of God. So good. I think that is something I really desire. Its interesting that Jesus uses that term for people, since He is the Son of God. It seems almost like heresy or something.
Anyhow, I've got so many stressors right now, so I'm going to begin to start to deal with them, and invite God along for the ride. I could use some peace right now.
I think I'm beginning to realize that alot of my doubts and questions were coming out of my discontent with myself to be issues of God. There are things about myself that I don't like. I don't like that I can't change them. That I know there is better for me, but I insist on the same ol' same ol'. I guess I'm insane according to Einstein...doing the same things and expecting different results.
I still have legitimate questions, but I think I'm actually willing to start engaging with God again.
Church was awesome this weekend...Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be Sons and Daughters of God. I am definitely a peacekeeper, not necessarily a peacemaker. Or I guess I have been. I don't think I've really had to deal with much peace these days. I think I'm taking steps to be a peacemaker, to resolve things. But to be a son of God. So good. I think that is something I really desire. Its interesting that Jesus uses that term for people, since He is the Son of God. It seems almost like heresy or something.
Anyhow, I've got so many stressors right now, so I'm going to begin to start to deal with them, and invite God along for the ride. I could use some peace right now.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Limits
I sometimes wonder what my limits are. I know I have them. And most, I haven't reached. But I definitely know I have them.
I do things, but I don't know why.
I've been having struggles with God, but I've felt afraid, or unable to answer them. And maybe it doesn't have to be me that answers them, but it only feels like me right now.
So the best way I can describe part of my question is the epic, "which came first? the chicken or the egg." Basically, when people have religious experiences, a certain part of the brain lights up. Is it as a result of the "religious experience" or is it because the brain fires that the religious experience happens.
What would my life look like without God? It would certainly change my perspective on the world. Without God, I feel like there is no reason to "follow the rules" which I can't come to terms with. Is then, religion functioning like Vonnegut suggests in Cat's Cradle, where religion unites people in peace and enables something special to happen. Assuming its like that, I still kinda want to choose religion, but thats where I could choose to accept an easy form of it. Like the "stereotypical" Christian...but that doesn't involve any real life change, or any super sacrifice...and the division in the church is stupid.
We, meaning humans, love to unify by division. Find people with similar interests and cling to those. I wonder if that is why I'm doing well with the IV kids...that we just were raised in the same way, or recognized something about each other...I don't know. But I do know that my friends care for me.
Ugh. I feel like I'm writing my own Ecclesiastes, where I am trying to understand what I know, but I see something else happening, and I'm not sure how the two correlate.
Well, at least some of my thoughts are out.
I need to find a question, well, I need to keep seeking, and feeling like I can get somewhere by seeking.
I'm watching Lord of the Rings now, and I think some of the questions/thought processes apply. I want to get back to where I was, but I want to do it by answering these questions, which means I won't be the same, but I will grow.
I pray that my prayers are being heard by something out there.
I do things, but I don't know why.
I've been having struggles with God, but I've felt afraid, or unable to answer them. And maybe it doesn't have to be me that answers them, but it only feels like me right now.
So the best way I can describe part of my question is the epic, "which came first? the chicken or the egg." Basically, when people have religious experiences, a certain part of the brain lights up. Is it as a result of the "religious experience" or is it because the brain fires that the religious experience happens.
What would my life look like without God? It would certainly change my perspective on the world. Without God, I feel like there is no reason to "follow the rules" which I can't come to terms with. Is then, religion functioning like Vonnegut suggests in Cat's Cradle, where religion unites people in peace and enables something special to happen. Assuming its like that, I still kinda want to choose religion, but thats where I could choose to accept an easy form of it. Like the "stereotypical" Christian...but that doesn't involve any real life change, or any super sacrifice...and the division in the church is stupid.
We, meaning humans, love to unify by division. Find people with similar interests and cling to those. I wonder if that is why I'm doing well with the IV kids...that we just were raised in the same way, or recognized something about each other...I don't know. But I do know that my friends care for me.
Ugh. I feel like I'm writing my own Ecclesiastes, where I am trying to understand what I know, but I see something else happening, and I'm not sure how the two correlate.
Well, at least some of my thoughts are out.
I need to find a question, well, I need to keep seeking, and feeling like I can get somewhere by seeking.
I'm watching Lord of the Rings now, and I think some of the questions/thought processes apply. I want to get back to where I was, but I want to do it by answering these questions, which means I won't be the same, but I will grow.
I pray that my prayers are being heard by something out there.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Future!!!!
So, I have no real idea what I/God has planned for the rest of my life. I'm going to start processing about what He has for me, and what I ought to be doing.
Some things I've been thinking (so I don't forget):
Architecture, Biology (teaching, I guess), Teach For America, Military (OCS), Agriculture, Hydrology, Viticulture, National Outdoor Leadership School, Firefighting, Police, something with writing or inventing, if I happen to make it big (lol).
Thats my list right now. I wish I had a direct passion for one of more of those things. There are aspects I enjoy about each of these, obviously, but not all of them appeal. And heck if I know what it will look like to have to feed myself.
I am getting a job (more training tomorrow! Yay!) and I'm excited to see how I like interacting with people. I'm also doing LAUP this summer, which is going to be awesome, and apparently will change the way I look at things.
Its scary and yet exciting to look at my future. I wonder where I'll end up!
But I won't forget to enjoy where I am.
Some things I've been thinking (so I don't forget):
Architecture, Biology (teaching, I guess), Teach For America, Military (OCS), Agriculture, Hydrology, Viticulture, National Outdoor Leadership School, Firefighting, Police, something with writing or inventing, if I happen to make it big (lol).
Thats my list right now. I wish I had a direct passion for one of more of those things. There are aspects I enjoy about each of these, obviously, but not all of them appeal. And heck if I know what it will look like to have to feed myself.
I am getting a job (more training tomorrow! Yay!) and I'm excited to see how I like interacting with people. I'm also doing LAUP this summer, which is going to be awesome, and apparently will change the way I look at things.
Its scary and yet exciting to look at my future. I wonder where I'll end up!
But I won't forget to enjoy where I am.
Edge-ness
Great talk at the EDGE tonight. It was really cool to see something in the Christian perspective again. I like studying the book of Genesis in a secular manner, because people aren't afraid to point out weaknesses. But then if you are pessimistic or doubtful about everything, you can miss stuff. In the Garden of Eden, after Adam and Eve ate of the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, God calls out "Where are you?" in our class, we interpreted things as though God was either genuinely unsure, or that He was trying somehow to coax/trick Adam. however, tonight I heard that it might very well have been His concern for His creation.
This still doesn't explain some of the things we discovered, but it is really interesting. the next question I had is why is mankind really banned from the Garden. It seems like God just wants to prevent us from being like Him by preventing us from eating of the Tree of Life. Same thing with the tower of Babel; things sorta seem confusing. the only evidence I can procure from that situation is the fact that the people want to "make a name for themselves." Still, God's reasoning is to break us apart and confuse man, so that we cannot do anything. Why does He do that? Is He afraid? Is there something better? Are we allowed to know? It seems like He is purposely setting up such divisions.
More to summarize from Montag, but for now, time for bed.
This still doesn't explain some of the things we discovered, but it is really interesting. the next question I had is why is mankind really banned from the Garden. It seems like God just wants to prevent us from being like Him by preventing us from eating of the Tree of Life. Same thing with the tower of Babel; things sorta seem confusing. the only evidence I can procure from that situation is the fact that the people want to "make a name for themselves." Still, God's reasoning is to break us apart and confuse man, so that we cannot do anything. Why does He do that? Is He afraid? Is there something better? Are we allowed to know? It seems like He is purposely setting up such divisions.
More to summarize from Montag, but for now, time for bed.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Today
I also discovered something about myself that I've realized before, but never to this extent. I quite often, don't believe I am good enough. I recognize that this is true, as I have fallen short of God. However, He claims that when I am weak, He is strong. And I know that He did not make me weak, and that I should not fear anything but Him.
I realize that I do though. I fear what others will say about my work, and i am able to only share my thoughts when I feel comfortable. I don't feel comfortable, or entitled, or able to share my opinion as a WASP. I'm the majority of everything. Completely "normal." 6 foot.
And even without that stuff, I think my opinion isn't valid. I believe that is a lie that God is really trying to work against. That I need to be comfortable with who I am, and in who He is. That I can really be confident in Him.
I really have to work on that. or let Him work in that. I think its out of my inability to accept a compliment, or accept love.
I realize that I do though. I fear what others will say about my work, and i am able to only share my thoughts when I feel comfortable. I don't feel comfortable, or entitled, or able to share my opinion as a WASP. I'm the majority of everything. Completely "normal." 6 foot.
And even without that stuff, I think my opinion isn't valid. I believe that is a lie that God is really trying to work against. That I need to be comfortable with who I am, and in who He is. That I can really be confident in Him.
I really have to work on that. or let Him work in that. I think its out of my inability to accept a compliment, or accept love.
Monday, March 16, 2009
I didn't write today
So I'm cramming this in so I can keep my streak going.
I felt great today. I think working out/doing some physical activity helps me greatly.
I'm glad to be back in school. I did well on a test today.
I'm leading one of my favorite passages tomorrow. Yay!
I felt great today. I think working out/doing some physical activity helps me greatly.
I'm glad to be back in school. I did well on a test today.
I'm leading one of my favorite passages tomorrow. Yay!
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Sabbath
Well, its Sunday, and one of my first weekends where I have set aside the day for God. He's really been reassuring me today. I was looking for answers with by setting aside this day, and I believe I have reached some conclusions.
Matthew chapter 5 thru chapter 7 hit me pretty hard today. They helped me to realize that what I was thinking wasn't totally off base, and in fact, very in line with what Jesus desires for us. The entire sermon seemed to hit me right where I needed to be hit. the metaphors and analogies all seem in place. Its amazing to see in one sermon how many lessons Jesus gives, but yet how interconnected they are.
It was interesting today that the sermon I went to was on "blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled." I decided to fast awhile ago today, and didn't realize the coincidence until the pastor read the verse and I felt hunger. I don't really understand what fasting is, why exactly its done, or whatever, but I know it has certainly humbled me before God. Whenever I get hungry, I begin to think of Him and place my focus there, so it is a great reminder.
I went running with Megan H yesterday. That was alot of fun. Running is good. I think I will try to do some bike tonight while I read something.
I'm really excited to start working. I feel bad though, because all the times that he wanted me to come in, I have already made commitments during. I don't want to be a problem, but I feel like I am right now. Hopefully I can redeem that image, but I know what I've committed to and he chose to hire me anyhow. Thank God too. What a blessing to FIND a job in this market right now. And a great one too!
Taking a Sabbath really helps you to focus on what is important, and what you love, and why you do the things you do. I ought to practice this more often. I mean, its one of the ten commandments that everyone breaks.
Finished voice recording for the movie! So stoked about it. It was really awesome. Can't wait to see it on the "big screen" and show off my vocal skillz.
Matthew chapter 5 thru chapter 7 hit me pretty hard today. They helped me to realize that what I was thinking wasn't totally off base, and in fact, very in line with what Jesus desires for us. The entire sermon seemed to hit me right where I needed to be hit. the metaphors and analogies all seem in place. Its amazing to see in one sermon how many lessons Jesus gives, but yet how interconnected they are.
It was interesting today that the sermon I went to was on "blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled." I decided to fast awhile ago today, and didn't realize the coincidence until the pastor read the verse and I felt hunger. I don't really understand what fasting is, why exactly its done, or whatever, but I know it has certainly humbled me before God. Whenever I get hungry, I begin to think of Him and place my focus there, so it is a great reminder.
I went running with Megan H yesterday. That was alot of fun. Running is good. I think I will try to do some bike tonight while I read something.
I'm really excited to start working. I feel bad though, because all the times that he wanted me to come in, I have already made commitments during. I don't want to be a problem, but I feel like I am right now. Hopefully I can redeem that image, but I know what I've committed to and he chose to hire me anyhow. Thank God too. What a blessing to FIND a job in this market right now. And a great one too!
Taking a Sabbath really helps you to focus on what is important, and what you love, and why you do the things you do. I ought to practice this more often. I mean, its one of the ten commandments that everyone breaks.
Finished voice recording for the movie! So stoked about it. It was really awesome. Can't wait to see it on the "big screen" and show off my vocal skillz.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
The Hand Song
I hadn't listened to this song until a few days ago, and its an amazing song, so I just thought I'd like to share...just to keep my 2 day streak alive and move it to 3. I have alot to report, but just wanted to make sure I posted something.
The boy only wanted to give Mother something
And all of her roses had bloomed
Looking at her as he came rushing in with them
Knowing her roses were doomed
All she could see were some thorns buried deep
And the tears that he cried as she tended his wounds
And she knew it was love
It was one she could understand
He was showing his love
And that's how he hurt his hands
He still remembers that night as child
On his mother's knee
She held him close and she opened her bible
And quietly started to read
And seeing a picture of Jesus he cried out
"Momma, he's got some scars just like me."
And he knew it was love
It was one he could understand
He was showing his love
And that's how he hurt his hands
Now the boy's grown and moved out on his own
When Uncle Sam comes along
A foreign affair, but our young men were there
And luck had his number drawn
It wasn't that long till our hero was gone
He gave to a friend what he learned from the cross
But they knew it was love
It was one they could understand
He was showing his love
And that's how he hurt his hands
It was one they could understand
He was showing his love
And that's how he hurt his hands
The boy only wanted to give Mother something
And all of her roses had bloomed
Looking at her as he came rushing in with them
Knowing her roses were doomed
All she could see were some thorns buried deep
And the tears that he cried as she tended his wounds
And she knew it was love
It was one she could understand
He was showing his love
And that's how he hurt his hands
He still remembers that night as child
On his mother's knee
She held him close and she opened her bible
And quietly started to read
And seeing a picture of Jesus he cried out
"Momma, he's got some scars just like me."
And he knew it was love
It was one he could understand
He was showing his love
And that's how he hurt his hands
Now the boy's grown and moved out on his own
When Uncle Sam comes along
A foreign affair, but our young men were there
And luck had his number drawn
It wasn't that long till our hero was gone
He gave to a friend what he learned from the cross
But they knew it was love
It was one they could understand
He was showing his love
And that's how he hurt his hands
It was one they could understand
He was showing his love
And that's how he hurt his hands
Friday, March 13, 2009
Alright...I'm back
In Socal. It is nice to be home, but I don't feel like I have much to contribute there anymore. I was asked if I had any questions for my parents this weekend. I think I should, but I don't. The only questions I can think of are super awkward and I don't really want to know the answer, which is why I haven't asked before. But I just feel like I have a question, but don't really know what it is.
I had a nice car ride. Its nice to get lost in your thoughts. Also can be frustrating when you have a great thought, and then you realize you are thinking, thus losing the thought. Maybe thats just me. I seem to have a one track mind, though I can multitask mindlessly. But thats why its bad for me to study with other people, or with music, even though I love both. I can't listen to two conversations.
I don't know how to interact with my parents about my faith. Some of it, most of it actually, doesn't make sense to people who don't have it. The risk that Jesus took for us shows me how weak some of my risks are, but nonetheless they scare me. I'm going to be fasting about one decision that scares me this weekend. Sunday is going to be a Riley + God day and hopefully that will resolve something I've been thinking about for a long time.
Faith, Hope and Love are some good things He gave us, and the greatest is Love.
I read through one of my journals from two years ago (specifically my "prayer" journal that Helen gave me), and it was amazing how deep I got into that journal. I was glad to have started to read it. It brought back some real convictions.
I've realized that I like to work for other people, but not for myself. So what I'm going to try to do is put everything in context of my friends, present and future family, and to dream for that. I think that will help ME to accomplish things.
I was thinking about the song "Cat's Cradle" by Harry Chapin...it is one of my most inspiring songs even though the song itself is bleak. It serves as a warning to me. I don't want to be someone who goes through life blind and doesn't realize how my actions affect other people. I don't want to look back at the example I lead and see it in other people and have that example be the worst thing. I'll need help with that one.
I had a nice car ride. Its nice to get lost in your thoughts. Also can be frustrating when you have a great thought, and then you realize you are thinking, thus losing the thought. Maybe thats just me. I seem to have a one track mind, though I can multitask mindlessly. But thats why its bad for me to study with other people, or with music, even though I love both. I can't listen to two conversations.
I don't know how to interact with my parents about my faith. Some of it, most of it actually, doesn't make sense to people who don't have it. The risk that Jesus took for us shows me how weak some of my risks are, but nonetheless they scare me. I'm going to be fasting about one decision that scares me this weekend. Sunday is going to be a Riley + God day and hopefully that will resolve something I've been thinking about for a long time.
Faith, Hope and Love are some good things He gave us, and the greatest is Love.
I read through one of my journals from two years ago (specifically my "prayer" journal that Helen gave me), and it was amazing how deep I got into that journal. I was glad to have started to read it. It brought back some real convictions.
I've realized that I like to work for other people, but not for myself. So what I'm going to try to do is put everything in context of my friends, present and future family, and to dream for that. I think that will help ME to accomplish things.
I was thinking about the song "Cat's Cradle" by Harry Chapin...it is one of my most inspiring songs even though the song itself is bleak. It serves as a warning to me. I don't want to be someone who goes through life blind and doesn't realize how my actions affect other people. I don't want to look back at the example I lead and see it in other people and have that example be the worst thing. I'll need help with that one.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Inconsistency..and so it goes.
I've been feeling kinda depressed today, but I'm not really sure why. I have my sneaking suspicions, but those can keep stealthily sneaking along if they'd like.
I'm back at home for a few days of spring break, and things have been going really well. I don't know why I feel out there. i just don't feel like I'm doing anything productive. I think I need a good workout or run or something.
My room has been repainted and redecorated since I was last home. It looks very nice. It certainly doesn't represent Riley as well as my other room did, but it looks very nice.
My parents have really enjoyed me coming home to see them. They love me. But its hard for me to want that sometimes, or accept that. They really are great people, but I am beginning to see how being away from them has affected who I am, and allowed that to come out.
Mantreat at Joshua tree was very cool. I was so glad to get to join all the guys and just have some laughs without worrying about certain social constructs. Usually, I'm better able to make friends with girls, so this was nice. I still want to fight with that coyote we saw though. So far, the only reason I've wanted to go on facebook is to post the pictures from Mantreat. Thats good. It shows I really don't need facebook, though it is super convinient.
I'm doing voice recordings for a movie (on campus). Its really kinda fun. I'm enjoying it alot.
My mom got out of surgury ok today. I'm glad. She's really special. I've been growing to appreciate her more and more over the years. There is so much going on right now, I don't think I know what to do with myself when everything stops. I don't know if I'm feeling guilty, or bored or ...? But I do feel off.
Oh, I did get a job though. Something to be said for that, especially in this job market. I'm actually really excited about that.
I think I just need more discipline in my life. That will be helpful. I'm glad I wrote some stuff out tonight. I like doing this. I am not sure if it helps, or how, but I like it. But I don't unless I feel crappy. Which is stupid. I think that is how I use God. I just kinda stumble along on my own until I need Him again, and then I call out. So He continues to be my servant. I need to be His. I know this is not always the case, that sometimes I do what I'm told, and listen to what He has said, but other times...not so much. I feel like I have something to share, but I don't even know what it is.
Well, maybe it will come to me.
I'm back at home for a few days of spring break, and things have been going really well. I don't know why I feel out there. i just don't feel like I'm doing anything productive. I think I need a good workout or run or something.
My room has been repainted and redecorated since I was last home. It looks very nice. It certainly doesn't represent Riley as well as my other room did, but it looks very nice.
My parents have really enjoyed me coming home to see them. They love me. But its hard for me to want that sometimes, or accept that. They really are great people, but I am beginning to see how being away from them has affected who I am, and allowed that to come out.
Mantreat at Joshua tree was very cool. I was so glad to get to join all the guys and just have some laughs without worrying about certain social constructs. Usually, I'm better able to make friends with girls, so this was nice. I still want to fight with that coyote we saw though. So far, the only reason I've wanted to go on facebook is to post the pictures from Mantreat. Thats good. It shows I really don't need facebook, though it is super convinient.
I'm doing voice recordings for a movie (on campus). Its really kinda fun. I'm enjoying it alot.
My mom got out of surgury ok today. I'm glad. She's really special. I've been growing to appreciate her more and more over the years. There is so much going on right now, I don't think I know what to do with myself when everything stops. I don't know if I'm feeling guilty, or bored or ...? But I do feel off.
Oh, I did get a job though. Something to be said for that, especially in this job market. I'm actually really excited about that.
I think I just need more discipline in my life. That will be helpful. I'm glad I wrote some stuff out tonight. I like doing this. I am not sure if it helps, or how, but I like it. But I don't unless I feel crappy. Which is stupid. I think that is how I use God. I just kinda stumble along on my own until I need Him again, and then I call out. So He continues to be my servant. I need to be His. I know this is not always the case, that sometimes I do what I'm told, and listen to what He has said, but other times...not so much. I feel like I have something to share, but I don't even know what it is.
Well, maybe it will come to me.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Lent
Well, I've never really done Lent before, so I don't really know what it looks like to do. But I'm starting off bigtime...I think. Multiple commitments, but things i've been wanting to hold myself to for some time.
First of all, no Facebook! So if you know me on here, then we can chat through here...since one of my other goals is to start writing. So this goal is accomplished by my typing. I'm also trying to read for fun, read the Bible, and have a song/verse of the day. Today, my song was Michael Jackson's "Man in the Mirror." The emphasis is that if you want things to change, "take a look at yourself and make a change!" So there are a few things that I don't like about myself. Some come from my lack of faith, some come from my persistence to act against what I know to be good. Having a little pruning session with myself right now. Hopefully God will be working on the side effects that I can't see.
I'm busy, but having fun.
First of all, no Facebook! So if you know me on here, then we can chat through here...since one of my other goals is to start writing. So this goal is accomplished by my typing. I'm also trying to read for fun, read the Bible, and have a song/verse of the day. Today, my song was Michael Jackson's "Man in the Mirror." The emphasis is that if you want things to change, "take a look at yourself and make a change!" So there are a few things that I don't like about myself. Some come from my lack of faith, some come from my persistence to act against what I know to be good. Having a little pruning session with myself right now. Hopefully God will be working on the side effects that I can't see.
I'm busy, but having fun.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
I've been thinking....
a dangerous pastime, I know.
Haha for Gaston.
Sometimes thinking is bad, sometimes mulling over things, not so bad. I've been sort of having thoughts about God and what He means in this world. I've just been wondering, as I try to talk to my parents, sister, brother, family, and people in the world, how is the God I follow different. If they've made it this far without, why do they need or want Him?
I've been thinking about ways that He is present in the world, and been having some doubts. I was beginning to buy into some thoughts that the world had to offer. Something inspired a new thought though the other day. It all depends on the way you look at the world. Either you can look around and see God's presence in the world, or you can see why people would believe there is a God. Now the second part sounds pretty good until it is extrapolated upon. If you can believe that there is a God, some are bound to come to the conclusion that it is made up. That you look at the world and see beauty, and either believe in a God, or could see how people could think there was a God. It makes sense in my head. I just had to get part of that thought out...I'll be thinking on it and developing the logic further.
I wish I weren't so forgetful. Sigh.
Haha for Gaston.
Sometimes thinking is bad, sometimes mulling over things, not so bad. I've been sort of having thoughts about God and what He means in this world. I've just been wondering, as I try to talk to my parents, sister, brother, family, and people in the world, how is the God I follow different. If they've made it this far without, why do they need or want Him?
I've been thinking about ways that He is present in the world, and been having some doubts. I was beginning to buy into some thoughts that the world had to offer. Something inspired a new thought though the other day. It all depends on the way you look at the world. Either you can look around and see God's presence in the world, or you can see why people would believe there is a God. Now the second part sounds pretty good until it is extrapolated upon. If you can believe that there is a God, some are bound to come to the conclusion that it is made up. That you look at the world and see beauty, and either believe in a God, or could see how people could think there was a God. It makes sense in my head. I just had to get part of that thought out...I'll be thinking on it and developing the logic further.
I wish I weren't so forgetful. Sigh.
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