So, I have no real idea what I/God has planned for the rest of my life. I'm going to start processing about what He has for me, and what I ought to be doing.
Some things I've been thinking (so I don't forget):
Architecture, Biology (teaching, I guess), Teach For America, Military (OCS), Agriculture, Hydrology, Viticulture, National Outdoor Leadership School, Firefighting, Police, something with writing or inventing, if I happen to make it big (lol).
Thats my list right now. I wish I had a direct passion for one of more of those things. There are aspects I enjoy about each of these, obviously, but not all of them appeal. And heck if I know what it will look like to have to feed myself.
I am getting a job (more training tomorrow! Yay!) and I'm excited to see how I like interacting with people. I'm also doing LAUP this summer, which is going to be awesome, and apparently will change the way I look at things.
Its scary and yet exciting to look at my future. I wonder where I'll end up!
But I won't forget to enjoy where I am.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Edge-ness
Great talk at the EDGE tonight. It was really cool to see something in the Christian perspective again. I like studying the book of Genesis in a secular manner, because people aren't afraid to point out weaknesses. But then if you are pessimistic or doubtful about everything, you can miss stuff. In the Garden of Eden, after Adam and Eve ate of the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, God calls out "Where are you?" in our class, we interpreted things as though God was either genuinely unsure, or that He was trying somehow to coax/trick Adam. however, tonight I heard that it might very well have been His concern for His creation.
This still doesn't explain some of the things we discovered, but it is really interesting. the next question I had is why is mankind really banned from the Garden. It seems like God just wants to prevent us from being like Him by preventing us from eating of the Tree of Life. Same thing with the tower of Babel; things sorta seem confusing. the only evidence I can procure from that situation is the fact that the people want to "make a name for themselves." Still, God's reasoning is to break us apart and confuse man, so that we cannot do anything. Why does He do that? Is He afraid? Is there something better? Are we allowed to know? It seems like He is purposely setting up such divisions.
More to summarize from Montag, but for now, time for bed.
This still doesn't explain some of the things we discovered, but it is really interesting. the next question I had is why is mankind really banned from the Garden. It seems like God just wants to prevent us from being like Him by preventing us from eating of the Tree of Life. Same thing with the tower of Babel; things sorta seem confusing. the only evidence I can procure from that situation is the fact that the people want to "make a name for themselves." Still, God's reasoning is to break us apart and confuse man, so that we cannot do anything. Why does He do that? Is He afraid? Is there something better? Are we allowed to know? It seems like He is purposely setting up such divisions.
More to summarize from Montag, but for now, time for bed.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Today
I also discovered something about myself that I've realized before, but never to this extent. I quite often, don't believe I am good enough. I recognize that this is true, as I have fallen short of God. However, He claims that when I am weak, He is strong. And I know that He did not make me weak, and that I should not fear anything but Him.
I realize that I do though. I fear what others will say about my work, and i am able to only share my thoughts when I feel comfortable. I don't feel comfortable, or entitled, or able to share my opinion as a WASP. I'm the majority of everything. Completely "normal." 6 foot.
And even without that stuff, I think my opinion isn't valid. I believe that is a lie that God is really trying to work against. That I need to be comfortable with who I am, and in who He is. That I can really be confident in Him.
I really have to work on that. or let Him work in that. I think its out of my inability to accept a compliment, or accept love.
I realize that I do though. I fear what others will say about my work, and i am able to only share my thoughts when I feel comfortable. I don't feel comfortable, or entitled, or able to share my opinion as a WASP. I'm the majority of everything. Completely "normal." 6 foot.
And even without that stuff, I think my opinion isn't valid. I believe that is a lie that God is really trying to work against. That I need to be comfortable with who I am, and in who He is. That I can really be confident in Him.
I really have to work on that. or let Him work in that. I think its out of my inability to accept a compliment, or accept love.
Monday, March 16, 2009
I didn't write today
So I'm cramming this in so I can keep my streak going.
I felt great today. I think working out/doing some physical activity helps me greatly.
I'm glad to be back in school. I did well on a test today.
I'm leading one of my favorite passages tomorrow. Yay!
I felt great today. I think working out/doing some physical activity helps me greatly.
I'm glad to be back in school. I did well on a test today.
I'm leading one of my favorite passages tomorrow. Yay!
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Sabbath
Well, its Sunday, and one of my first weekends where I have set aside the day for God. He's really been reassuring me today. I was looking for answers with by setting aside this day, and I believe I have reached some conclusions.
Matthew chapter 5 thru chapter 7 hit me pretty hard today. They helped me to realize that what I was thinking wasn't totally off base, and in fact, very in line with what Jesus desires for us. The entire sermon seemed to hit me right where I needed to be hit. the metaphors and analogies all seem in place. Its amazing to see in one sermon how many lessons Jesus gives, but yet how interconnected they are.
It was interesting today that the sermon I went to was on "blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled." I decided to fast awhile ago today, and didn't realize the coincidence until the pastor read the verse and I felt hunger. I don't really understand what fasting is, why exactly its done, or whatever, but I know it has certainly humbled me before God. Whenever I get hungry, I begin to think of Him and place my focus there, so it is a great reminder.
I went running with Megan H yesterday. That was alot of fun. Running is good. I think I will try to do some bike tonight while I read something.
I'm really excited to start working. I feel bad though, because all the times that he wanted me to come in, I have already made commitments during. I don't want to be a problem, but I feel like I am right now. Hopefully I can redeem that image, but I know what I've committed to and he chose to hire me anyhow. Thank God too. What a blessing to FIND a job in this market right now. And a great one too!
Taking a Sabbath really helps you to focus on what is important, and what you love, and why you do the things you do. I ought to practice this more often. I mean, its one of the ten commandments that everyone breaks.
Finished voice recording for the movie! So stoked about it. It was really awesome. Can't wait to see it on the "big screen" and show off my vocal skillz.
Matthew chapter 5 thru chapter 7 hit me pretty hard today. They helped me to realize that what I was thinking wasn't totally off base, and in fact, very in line with what Jesus desires for us. The entire sermon seemed to hit me right where I needed to be hit. the metaphors and analogies all seem in place. Its amazing to see in one sermon how many lessons Jesus gives, but yet how interconnected they are.
It was interesting today that the sermon I went to was on "blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled." I decided to fast awhile ago today, and didn't realize the coincidence until the pastor read the verse and I felt hunger. I don't really understand what fasting is, why exactly its done, or whatever, but I know it has certainly humbled me before God. Whenever I get hungry, I begin to think of Him and place my focus there, so it is a great reminder.
I went running with Megan H yesterday. That was alot of fun. Running is good. I think I will try to do some bike tonight while I read something.
I'm really excited to start working. I feel bad though, because all the times that he wanted me to come in, I have already made commitments during. I don't want to be a problem, but I feel like I am right now. Hopefully I can redeem that image, but I know what I've committed to and he chose to hire me anyhow. Thank God too. What a blessing to FIND a job in this market right now. And a great one too!
Taking a Sabbath really helps you to focus on what is important, and what you love, and why you do the things you do. I ought to practice this more often. I mean, its one of the ten commandments that everyone breaks.
Finished voice recording for the movie! So stoked about it. It was really awesome. Can't wait to see it on the "big screen" and show off my vocal skillz.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
The Hand Song
I hadn't listened to this song until a few days ago, and its an amazing song, so I just thought I'd like to share...just to keep my 2 day streak alive and move it to 3. I have alot to report, but just wanted to make sure I posted something.
The boy only wanted to give Mother something
And all of her roses had bloomed
Looking at her as he came rushing in with them
Knowing her roses were doomed
All she could see were some thorns buried deep
And the tears that he cried as she tended his wounds
And she knew it was love
It was one she could understand
He was showing his love
And that's how he hurt his hands
He still remembers that night as child
On his mother's knee
She held him close and she opened her bible
And quietly started to read
And seeing a picture of Jesus he cried out
"Momma, he's got some scars just like me."
And he knew it was love
It was one he could understand
He was showing his love
And that's how he hurt his hands
Now the boy's grown and moved out on his own
When Uncle Sam comes along
A foreign affair, but our young men were there
And luck had his number drawn
It wasn't that long till our hero was gone
He gave to a friend what he learned from the cross
But they knew it was love
It was one they could understand
He was showing his love
And that's how he hurt his hands
It was one they could understand
He was showing his love
And that's how he hurt his hands
The boy only wanted to give Mother something
And all of her roses had bloomed
Looking at her as he came rushing in with them
Knowing her roses were doomed
All she could see were some thorns buried deep
And the tears that he cried as she tended his wounds
And she knew it was love
It was one she could understand
He was showing his love
And that's how he hurt his hands
He still remembers that night as child
On his mother's knee
She held him close and she opened her bible
And quietly started to read
And seeing a picture of Jesus he cried out
"Momma, he's got some scars just like me."
And he knew it was love
It was one he could understand
He was showing his love
And that's how he hurt his hands
Now the boy's grown and moved out on his own
When Uncle Sam comes along
A foreign affair, but our young men were there
And luck had his number drawn
It wasn't that long till our hero was gone
He gave to a friend what he learned from the cross
But they knew it was love
It was one they could understand
He was showing his love
And that's how he hurt his hands
It was one they could understand
He was showing his love
And that's how he hurt his hands
Friday, March 13, 2009
Alright...I'm back
In Socal. It is nice to be home, but I don't feel like I have much to contribute there anymore. I was asked if I had any questions for my parents this weekend. I think I should, but I don't. The only questions I can think of are super awkward and I don't really want to know the answer, which is why I haven't asked before. But I just feel like I have a question, but don't really know what it is.
I had a nice car ride. Its nice to get lost in your thoughts. Also can be frustrating when you have a great thought, and then you realize you are thinking, thus losing the thought. Maybe thats just me. I seem to have a one track mind, though I can multitask mindlessly. But thats why its bad for me to study with other people, or with music, even though I love both. I can't listen to two conversations.
I don't know how to interact with my parents about my faith. Some of it, most of it actually, doesn't make sense to people who don't have it. The risk that Jesus took for us shows me how weak some of my risks are, but nonetheless they scare me. I'm going to be fasting about one decision that scares me this weekend. Sunday is going to be a Riley + God day and hopefully that will resolve something I've been thinking about for a long time.
Faith, Hope and Love are some good things He gave us, and the greatest is Love.
I read through one of my journals from two years ago (specifically my "prayer" journal that Helen gave me), and it was amazing how deep I got into that journal. I was glad to have started to read it. It brought back some real convictions.
I've realized that I like to work for other people, but not for myself. So what I'm going to try to do is put everything in context of my friends, present and future family, and to dream for that. I think that will help ME to accomplish things.
I was thinking about the song "Cat's Cradle" by Harry Chapin...it is one of my most inspiring songs even though the song itself is bleak. It serves as a warning to me. I don't want to be someone who goes through life blind and doesn't realize how my actions affect other people. I don't want to look back at the example I lead and see it in other people and have that example be the worst thing. I'll need help with that one.
I had a nice car ride. Its nice to get lost in your thoughts. Also can be frustrating when you have a great thought, and then you realize you are thinking, thus losing the thought. Maybe thats just me. I seem to have a one track mind, though I can multitask mindlessly. But thats why its bad for me to study with other people, or with music, even though I love both. I can't listen to two conversations.
I don't know how to interact with my parents about my faith. Some of it, most of it actually, doesn't make sense to people who don't have it. The risk that Jesus took for us shows me how weak some of my risks are, but nonetheless they scare me. I'm going to be fasting about one decision that scares me this weekend. Sunday is going to be a Riley + God day and hopefully that will resolve something I've been thinking about for a long time.
Faith, Hope and Love are some good things He gave us, and the greatest is Love.
I read through one of my journals from two years ago (specifically my "prayer" journal that Helen gave me), and it was amazing how deep I got into that journal. I was glad to have started to read it. It brought back some real convictions.
I've realized that I like to work for other people, but not for myself. So what I'm going to try to do is put everything in context of my friends, present and future family, and to dream for that. I think that will help ME to accomplish things.
I was thinking about the song "Cat's Cradle" by Harry Chapin...it is one of my most inspiring songs even though the song itself is bleak. It serves as a warning to me. I don't want to be someone who goes through life blind and doesn't realize how my actions affect other people. I don't want to look back at the example I lead and see it in other people and have that example be the worst thing. I'll need help with that one.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Inconsistency..and so it goes.
I've been feeling kinda depressed today, but I'm not really sure why. I have my sneaking suspicions, but those can keep stealthily sneaking along if they'd like.
I'm back at home for a few days of spring break, and things have been going really well. I don't know why I feel out there. i just don't feel like I'm doing anything productive. I think I need a good workout or run or something.
My room has been repainted and redecorated since I was last home. It looks very nice. It certainly doesn't represent Riley as well as my other room did, but it looks very nice.
My parents have really enjoyed me coming home to see them. They love me. But its hard for me to want that sometimes, or accept that. They really are great people, but I am beginning to see how being away from them has affected who I am, and allowed that to come out.
Mantreat at Joshua tree was very cool. I was so glad to get to join all the guys and just have some laughs without worrying about certain social constructs. Usually, I'm better able to make friends with girls, so this was nice. I still want to fight with that coyote we saw though. So far, the only reason I've wanted to go on facebook is to post the pictures from Mantreat. Thats good. It shows I really don't need facebook, though it is super convinient.
I'm doing voice recordings for a movie (on campus). Its really kinda fun. I'm enjoying it alot.
My mom got out of surgury ok today. I'm glad. She's really special. I've been growing to appreciate her more and more over the years. There is so much going on right now, I don't think I know what to do with myself when everything stops. I don't know if I'm feeling guilty, or bored or ...? But I do feel off.
Oh, I did get a job though. Something to be said for that, especially in this job market. I'm actually really excited about that.
I think I just need more discipline in my life. That will be helpful. I'm glad I wrote some stuff out tonight. I like doing this. I am not sure if it helps, or how, but I like it. But I don't unless I feel crappy. Which is stupid. I think that is how I use God. I just kinda stumble along on my own until I need Him again, and then I call out. So He continues to be my servant. I need to be His. I know this is not always the case, that sometimes I do what I'm told, and listen to what He has said, but other times...not so much. I feel like I have something to share, but I don't even know what it is.
Well, maybe it will come to me.
I'm back at home for a few days of spring break, and things have been going really well. I don't know why I feel out there. i just don't feel like I'm doing anything productive. I think I need a good workout or run or something.
My room has been repainted and redecorated since I was last home. It looks very nice. It certainly doesn't represent Riley as well as my other room did, but it looks very nice.
My parents have really enjoyed me coming home to see them. They love me. But its hard for me to want that sometimes, or accept that. They really are great people, but I am beginning to see how being away from them has affected who I am, and allowed that to come out.
Mantreat at Joshua tree was very cool. I was so glad to get to join all the guys and just have some laughs without worrying about certain social constructs. Usually, I'm better able to make friends with girls, so this was nice. I still want to fight with that coyote we saw though. So far, the only reason I've wanted to go on facebook is to post the pictures from Mantreat. Thats good. It shows I really don't need facebook, though it is super convinient.
I'm doing voice recordings for a movie (on campus). Its really kinda fun. I'm enjoying it alot.
My mom got out of surgury ok today. I'm glad. She's really special. I've been growing to appreciate her more and more over the years. There is so much going on right now, I don't think I know what to do with myself when everything stops. I don't know if I'm feeling guilty, or bored or ...? But I do feel off.
Oh, I did get a job though. Something to be said for that, especially in this job market. I'm actually really excited about that.
I think I just need more discipline in my life. That will be helpful. I'm glad I wrote some stuff out tonight. I like doing this. I am not sure if it helps, or how, but I like it. But I don't unless I feel crappy. Which is stupid. I think that is how I use God. I just kinda stumble along on my own until I need Him again, and then I call out. So He continues to be my servant. I need to be His. I know this is not always the case, that sometimes I do what I'm told, and listen to what He has said, but other times...not so much. I feel like I have something to share, but I don't even know what it is.
Well, maybe it will come to me.
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