recent thoughts...

Its weird to see the ways in which faith is represented in our lives. how faith always seems to back the decisions we make. Take for instance...how it always seems to back our decision. So, some of you know about my deal with Helen. I've been kinda wanting to bring shalom to that situation. But I could say that I have faith in God to bring about a situation that I have to be ready for, or I could say that I can trust that God will be there if/when I trust enough to talk to her again. Sad thing is, I don't know which one to support.
I think I'm pretty lose to learning all of what I can from that situation, and I've forgiven, and pretty much only remember the things that were good, while learning too, but leaving living in pain behind.
I've also decided that I don't like not being liked. Most everybody seems to enjoy themselves around me, at least from what I've seen. This is my goal though. Maybe not to be so likeable...not in the meaning of trying to be a jerk, but in not being afraid to stand up, and be disliked for something I know is right, or something I believe in. But when I can blame myself for what happened and not being liked,, and knowing you blew trust....ugh. I cant stand that, and I won't do that again.

As the Eagles would say...Oftentimes it happens, that we live our lives in chains, and we never even know we have the keys.

I want to be more discontent, sometimes. Even though its painful. I'm one of those people who take it like a man (in the face, lol), and just find something good in that situation. And that can be a great trait. In some manners of speaking. I don't have the desire to do some great things like others, but I'm perfectly content influencing those around me. But at the same time, I settle for some things that I shouldn't settle for. Some discontentment should be fuel for the fire.
You ever have those epiphany moments about God? Where something just clicks, and you feel like you have a greater understanding of things? About how He can meet your needs, about how your situation isn't all that important, or it is more than you think...etc? Sometimes those can be moments of peace, because they can be lifting something away. Other times, and more like my present situation, I feel discontent with my relationship with God, and my connection to myself. Its way easier to ignore those things and go with the safe road. But I want that discontent to really settle in and drive me.
there are some recent thoughts.

Friday!!!

Weee! Friday! I feel like I'm back in high school! Living day to day to get to the end of the week, so I can enjoy the weekend.
Work has been great, but I must admit that I'm glad I started on the week that only had four days. 8 hours a day is a big commitment. Its also nice that the days are longer, and the sun is up for a long time. Its been light until like 9 pm!!! So crazy. So its been a nice time to work, but goodness it is exhausting.
I keep feeling like there is alot I want to say, but I feel like I have a mental block. I am tired. Sadly, I wish I needed less sleep, or there were more hours.
Tomorrow should be exciting I think. First. I am going to get a kitty!!! Hopefully there are some cute ones that are perfect for our family. So excited. I need that other friend and personality around the house. Maybe we might get two. That would be awesome.
Also, I might get a hair cut, or a hair trim. I'm kinda likin' it long, but I don't like one clump of hair that keeps going in my eyes. Then I want to go to best buy. I have a coupon and a few things I want to buy. I want to get ahold of Forrest Gump. Its only like the best movie ever, and I decided once again that I need to own it. Its so beautiful, and probably something we all should strive for. There are some beautiful moments in there, ones for people in each part of life. Then I also want to get Mario Kart! The controls are so much fun. Great party game. Sadly our big Mario Kart-ers are graduated.
Oh well. More excitement to come!!!

And the beat goes on...

Life is back to "normal" at home. Schedules are set in motion, and the little things in life are now becoming "important" details in the way I live my life at home. Its like that "God" thing, or other important stuff can just be put on hold. They are themes for my life, that means I don't have to deal with them now. Right...? Lol. I'm trying to escape that mindset, and I find myself in it in places I didn't see before. The mundane things take over. The things that are of no real consequence run our lives. Sure, things must be done, and in those mundane things, we can show God's character. But I'm trying not to let those distract from actual life.
I've been trying to call myself out on things. When I wake up in the morning, I try to thank God. I'm alive, breathing, and able to see, hear, taste, smell, and stand and walk. Incredible this gift of life. Also, Before I go to bed, I try to do something that is meaningful, so that if it were to be my last night, I would be content with the way things ended. Thats why I'm trying to read instead of watching TV.
Sarah came up this weekend, and it was awesome. Nobody quite has such an approach to studying anything in life. I'm quite the opposite. I'm very surface level. It is a wonderful thing to be able to have a friend with such different questions and with a different thought process than me. I want to be able to really own things. Not just accept them.
Food at home has been incredible. Working out, not as much. lol. Going to go head off to do my cool things now. My bow is temporarily out of order (there is friction along the cam that I don't like), so I guess its working out, reading, or banjo!!!

Introduction

Ok, so I'm beginning a new blogging site. I used to be on a combination of xanga and facebook, but facebook isn't the best one, and this one might be more popular than xanga. Also, since Eric is on here, it might hold me more accountable to writing!!! Which is kinda one of my goals, that so far hasn't been successful.
So anyway, thats that for now. I will work on cool goals but for now, its just an open space for my mind to spill out.