Limits

I sometimes wonder what my limits are. I know I have them. And most, I haven't reached. But I definitely know I have them.
I do things, but I don't know why.
I've been having struggles with God, but I've felt afraid, or unable to answer them. And maybe it doesn't have to be me that answers them, but it only feels like me right now.
So the best way I can describe part of my question is the epic, "which came first? the chicken or the egg." Basically, when people have religious experiences, a certain part of the brain lights up. Is it as a result of the "religious experience" or is it because the brain fires that the religious experience happens.
What would my life look like without God? It would certainly change my perspective on the world. Without God, I feel like there is no reason to "follow the rules" which I can't come to terms with. Is then, religion functioning like Vonnegut suggests in Cat's Cradle, where religion unites people in peace and enables something special to happen. Assuming its like that, I still kinda want to choose religion, but thats where I could choose to accept an easy form of it. Like the "stereotypical" Christian...but that doesn't involve any real life change, or any super sacrifice...and the division in the church is stupid.
We, meaning humans, love to unify by division. Find people with similar interests and cling to those. I wonder if that is why I'm doing well with the IV kids...that we just were raised in the same way, or recognized something about each other...I don't know. But I do know that my friends care for me.
Ugh. I feel like I'm writing my own Ecclesiastes, where I am trying to understand what I know, but I see something else happening, and I'm not sure how the two correlate.
Well, at least some of my thoughts are out.
I need to find a question, well, I need to keep seeking, and feeling like I can get somewhere by seeking.

I'm watching Lord of the Rings now, and I think some of the questions/thought processes apply. I want to get back to where I was, but I want to do it by answering these questions, which means I won't be the same, but I will grow.
I pray that my prayers are being heard by something out there.