Inconsistency..and so it goes.

I've been feeling kinda depressed today, but I'm not really sure why. I have my sneaking suspicions, but those can keep stealthily sneaking along if they'd like.
I'm back at home for a few days of spring break, and things have been going really well. I don't know why I feel out there. i just don't feel like I'm doing anything productive. I think I need a good workout or run or something.
My room has been repainted and redecorated since I was last home. It looks very nice. It certainly doesn't represent Riley as well as my other room did, but it looks very nice.
My parents have really enjoyed me coming home to see them. They love me. But its hard for me to want that sometimes, or accept that. They really are great people, but I am beginning to see how being away from them has affected who I am, and allowed that to come out.
Mantreat at Joshua tree was very cool. I was so glad to get to join all the guys and just have some laughs without worrying about certain social constructs. Usually, I'm better able to make friends with girls, so this was nice. I still want to fight with that coyote we saw though. So far, the only reason I've wanted to go on facebook is to post the pictures from Mantreat. Thats good. It shows I really don't need facebook, though it is super convinient.
I'm doing voice recordings for a movie (on campus). Its really kinda fun. I'm enjoying it alot.
My mom got out of surgury ok today. I'm glad. She's really special. I've been growing to appreciate her more and more over the years. There is so much going on right now, I don't think I know what to do with myself when everything stops. I don't know if I'm feeling guilty, or bored or ...? But I do feel off.
Oh, I did get a job though. Something to be said for that, especially in this job market. I'm actually really excited about that.
I think I just need more discipline in my life. That will be helpful. I'm glad I wrote some stuff out tonight. I like doing this. I am not sure if it helps, or how, but I like it. But I don't unless I feel crappy. Which is stupid. I think that is how I use God. I just kinda stumble along on my own until I need Him again, and then I call out. So He continues to be my servant. I need to be His. I know this is not always the case, that sometimes I do what I'm told, and listen to what He has said, but other times...not so much. I feel like I have something to share, but I don't even know what it is.
Well, maybe it will come to me.