recent thoughts...

Its weird to see the ways in which faith is represented in our lives. how faith always seems to back the decisions we make. Take for instance...how it always seems to back our decision. So, some of you know about my deal with Helen. I've been kinda wanting to bring shalom to that situation. But I could say that I have faith in God to bring about a situation that I have to be ready for, or I could say that I can trust that God will be there if/when I trust enough to talk to her again. Sad thing is, I don't know which one to support.
I think I'm pretty lose to learning all of what I can from that situation, and I've forgiven, and pretty much only remember the things that were good, while learning too, but leaving living in pain behind.
I've also decided that I don't like not being liked. Most everybody seems to enjoy themselves around me, at least from what I've seen. This is my goal though. Maybe not to be so likeable...not in the meaning of trying to be a jerk, but in not being afraid to stand up, and be disliked for something I know is right, or something I believe in. But when I can blame myself for what happened and not being liked,, and knowing you blew trust....ugh. I cant stand that, and I won't do that again.

As the Eagles would say...Oftentimes it happens, that we live our lives in chains, and we never even know we have the keys.

I want to be more discontent, sometimes. Even though its painful. I'm one of those people who take it like a man (in the face, lol), and just find something good in that situation. And that can be a great trait. In some manners of speaking. I don't have the desire to do some great things like others, but I'm perfectly content influencing those around me. But at the same time, I settle for some things that I shouldn't settle for. Some discontentment should be fuel for the fire.
You ever have those epiphany moments about God? Where something just clicks, and you feel like you have a greater understanding of things? About how He can meet your needs, about how your situation isn't all that important, or it is more than you think...etc? Sometimes those can be moments of peace, because they can be lifting something away. Other times, and more like my present situation, I feel discontent with my relationship with God, and my connection to myself. Its way easier to ignore those things and go with the safe road. But I want that discontent to really settle in and drive me.
there are some recent thoughts.